Not at the game

I’m resting after doing bath time and bed time for the boys. I’m not at the game tonight as I’ve let my wife escape for a while.

Second day of school for my autistic pal, he’s 5, had thing been different he’d have started last year. I posted pics on Facebook of him ready to go to school. It’s nice to get the likes from
people, it’s not always possible to post a ‘normal’ photograph.

It’s a rarity for me to stick a picture of him on Facebook, I’m of the view it’s me that’s on social media not my kids.

I’m proud of him, I’m proud of him battling away every day with his condition, he’s a great wee guy. I wish I could cope as well as he does.

I’m in a down swing, toiling a bit I’m getting myself to get through days. I’m aware of how I am and know I’m not 100% right. I’m not closer to a diagnosis for autism for myself, it’s been a few months since my assessment appointment and I’m reluctant to contact my GP to try and chase things.

It’s a busy surgery and I’m not sure about bumbling up to the counter given how I am just now.

I think I might need a rest, physically my knee is sore. I’ve not been sleeping well either, which doesn’t help and I’ve been getting frustrated with things at work.

Getting signed off sick won’t help me right now. I need to keep going and keep trying. I know I’m down, I know I’m toiling, I know I can keep going.

(I know that’s wrong too)

The curse of my condition is how I am and how I can be. I can’t just communicate with people over what’s going on and I’m uncomfortable with certain people right now for different reasons.

I’m not enjoying conversations or looking at faces, I’m struggling with the random people on the train, I toiled with busy Glasgow during the games.

I’m coping online with twitter and I’m engaging on Facebook if and when I can.

I’m not closer to understanding myself, I’ve kept busy with reading on indyref, I’m toiling with tolerating television right now as I’m enjoying little other than factual or politics.

I guess I need that appointment letter through. I guess I need something like that. I’ve did okay through the summer, the weather has turned and I guess I’ve slid a bit.

Had a wardrobe malfunction, in that I’ve worn my arse out of my jeans, I’ve been overeating to cope and going a size up has woken me to that.

My son is doing so so well, I’d just like a diagnosis and some certainty.

Anyway, I’m not at the game. It’s not the top most thing in my mind.


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