Feeling Useless (Autism)

I’m not looking forward to Christmas. 

I’m just on a downswing. Tired, not looking forward to getting my head bitten off again for whatever reason and I’m just wanting to be alone, go nowhere and do nothing. 

Yeah, it’s the cloud of depression, the weight of self loathing and the feeling that day after day functioning isn’t making me any happier and if I’m not happy then what in bad at and struggle with becomes a bigger burden.

I can’t jolly myself up, I don’t associate this time of year with happiness, I don’t get a buzz from the presents. It’s stressful thinking about choosing and getting that choice right. There’s money, food, kids and the whole big horrible mess of people that want a happy time getting angry with me for not really knowing how to do it.

Sorry, not a good one today.

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