A Walk in the Rain

Sometimes there’s stuff I like that I guess, isn’t that Autistic.

The way that I like it probably is though.

I like walking. I like the movement, the rhythm to it, I like the flow of air. I don’t like being too hot or my neck constrained. I carry my rain jacket when I can as I know I can get too hot wearing it

Moving my feet helps. I wear solid good shoes. I walk well, I try to keep it good, not too fast, not too slow, to keep motion and moving. Nothing silly. Slow when I must. Look at things if interesting. Try not to be distracted by noises or sounds or people or things.

The 100% awareness on all the time. That shopfront, that car, that poster, that detail, that thing.it all goes in, it’s a lot of stuff in that moment. I pass people, but I don’t remember faces, clothes or hair or shapes maybe. 

The movement, the pressing down, the walking. It’s good. It works. I don’t get too lost in it. Stuff to do, things to figure. It’s a reassuring background thing. I’ve worked all my life on my balance. I can’t be clumsy, just smooth easy stuff, good enough stuff.

Now, I can’t run. I’m not good at that. My legs can do so much and I don’t enjoy it. I’ve tried treadmills and machines and things in gyms. It’s not that much faster than a good pace. It’s just different. 

I can run after my kids or the dog if I must and that’s a bit of panic involved. It’s anxious. An ‘oh shit’ moment. I can run the wee bit to cross a road or catch a bus. But further or longer or for exercise, probably not.

So I walk. I like walking the dog. He’s a daft lad, but he’s there. He’s company. A pal. He’s okay, has a good stride, pulls me sometimes, I have to nudge the lead at him at others. I like walking him though. When he slows and we’re together, doing okay, he’s not pulling and I’m not nudging him. Yeah that’s good.

The rain, I like. I like walking in it. It’s not much fun standing still in, but with my hat and my rain jacket it’s okay, especially if I walk.

 It’s a sensory feeling and if it’s light and I can do without the jacket, then good. I’ll dry out later. My skin can get rubbed down, as long as I’m not hot or sticky or sweaty. It can work too. It’s not like a shower. It’s not the pressure of a running tap, it’s a different sort of sensory thing. A feel, a coolness. A touch of water, a stroke in some sort of way.

Yeah that’s a bit contary and some people that are neurotypical like rain too and they like walking too. It’s feeling and sensory seeking for me I guess. I don’t see it as a bad thing. It’s something I sometimes need to do

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