Having Nothing

Sometimes life is simple.

I don’t have much money each month. I have debt, maintenance, mortgage and bills. I have to pay for my travel to work.

So it’s pretty simple most nights, I either see my kids or I’m on my own.

I can’t afford to go out or do stuff or see people. I stopped attending football a few years ago. I can’t really afford much more than basics aside that.

Why? Executive Function. I don’t have the right way of thinking to really plan financially for the future or month to month. I used to check a spreadsheet and know all the key dates and amounts. I used to have a little clear after everything.

I was handling it a bit until last year, prices of stuff went up and each month got tougher. I can’t really bring myself to talk to the bank or the loan company or anyone else about it. 

I worry every time I buy something. I try not to use my heating, stuff like that.

Birthdays and events worry me. I’ve had to opt out of things as I can’t afford it rather than there being a problem. 

Socially, it doesn’t help, but living is living and keeping going, not breaking down and not losing my flat are my biggest concerns. I need to keep seeing my kids. I need to keep my job.

Life isn’t always about being happy. I accept I have nothing and its that simple. 

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