I woke at 8.05. It was a crash out sleep, no idea when I went over properly. It might have been 4am.

I think I slept 0040 to 0130, 0200 to  0345, 0420 to 0805. I think.

I did eat last night although I was short of soft drinks. It rained, so it wasn’t as cold and the heating was lower.

I got up. Looked at Twitter. Looked for socks and pants. Tidied kitchen.

Had a panic over state of the kitchen. Had a panic about my relationship with my father and sisters. 

Read my Monday text from bank. Panicked over money, panicked over Christmas. 

Felt alone. Made coffee.

Looked at Twitter. Went to toilet for morning business.

Panicked again over father and sisters. Looked for shirts, looked for trousers.

Fumbled with my fingers when I found things. Had a worry about time.

Got ironing board and did my trousers and shirt, drank a bit of coffee, went and looked for my  prescription tablets and fumbled finding them and fumbled them in my mouth. More coffee.

Running behind, panicked about time. Looked at clock, looked at phone, figured what I needed.

Made the shower. Got underwear on, brushed my teeth. Dressed. 

Panicked over time. Had to find wipes to clean my cap with.

Ran out door at 0902.

That’s a typical morning. It’s a mix of feelings but underneath I’m driving myself to do what I need to get to work. It’s challenging and when the thoughts and feelings get mixed up with what ‘I need to do’ – it’s not good and I guess it’s better I now live alone.


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