The Morning (Aspergers)

I don’t usually write in the morning. Too hectic on a weekday and I usually catch up with rest on a weekend.

It’s probably a sleep/rest/function combination. I simply don’t function after waking. My instinct is always to roll over, I can get up and turn an alarm off, or go to the toilet and back and then go back asleep. For all the issues I have getting to sleep at night, getting back to sleep in the morning is usually easy.

It’s dangerous too, as for all the times I wake at 0600 or 0700, if I rollover, I sleep at least an hour. I can’t seem to just get up and go with it. I never have.

I rarely drink alcohol now, so there’s no factor involving that. There’s no compensation for activity, there’s only the issues with getting to sleep. 

I can be warm and drowsy and snug and it just happens.

The downside is that I don’t use mornings well, I’m usually fighting with time for going to work, I have a morning routine on weekdays and I’m basically minimalising tasks to be efficient and do what I need. There’s little ‘wake-up’ time, the roll-over consumes it, it consumes time for having a coffee, consumes time I could use to process. 

So I have the sleep issue, waking, rolling over that then domino effects into how I start my day and how my day goes.

Ideally, I’d sleep. Wake slowly, get up for needs and food, go back, roll over, wake slowly and that’d take me to lunchtime.

I don’t get to do that often. Kids at weekends, weekday work. High days and holidays sometimes give me the chance.

It’s a thing I want to deal with. I’m unhappy with how I function and that starting badly most days just seems to feed anxiety.

I think the roll-over is anxiety based. I don’t want to get up, but by not getting up at a time that lets me slowly start the day, I’m making things harder on myself later. I’m creating a problem.

Inside my head, whatever governs function, just says no. Sleep. It’s not directly mood related, it’s not influenced by anything else. I can get grumpy if forced awake and with kids that happens as they have needs, especially my autie guy.

Another blog for another day is food/coffee and what I need to function. At start up in a day, if I squeeze a coffee in, I’m doing well.

To sum up, I know I’m making things harder on myself, but I know I’m not getting over easily and I’m finding that I want that extra time asleep instead of starting my day better. I know it’s related to executive function and I suspect anxiety and stress play a part. It’s an avoidance of starting the day. 

If I factor in other humans, even the kids, my social ability isn’t fully working early in the day. It’s not that great. 

A thing I’m aware of, know I want to do better with it, but habits form and are difficult to change.

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