My last post on Aspergers. 

I received my PIP Tribunal letter. I’m only worthy of the 2 points for difficulties in communication.

I’m not Disabled then. 

I’m hurt. I tried and ultimately the verbal traps got me both at the medical interview and Tribunal. 

I wouldn’t know or understand the verbal traps. The time I took to explain how i am to them was wasted. The letters and my responses 

It’s another cure by DWP. I can’t have difficulties, they’ve said so.

Their nurse and decision maker say I can’t have difficulties as I can drive and I work.

So, The Asperger’s Syndrome I have or thought I had is just a fraud. 

I need to see my GP to see the Community Mental Health Team to see the Adult Autism Unit to get un-diagnosed.

I’m normal. Must be.

My difficulties must be ones that normal able people face. I can’t be autistic or actually autistic then.

If I don’t qualify for PIP then I’m not Disabled. My contemporaries at my former autism coffee group all get PIP, all get help and support. They must be genuine whilst I’m fake.

I apologise to my readers some of who are autistic and actually autistic. I meant no harm. I thought a diagnosis meant that I was, but it’s not enough and it’s not right for me to comment further as I can’t be genuinely autistic.

I thought I was, but the DWP say I don’t qualify for PIP. I shouldn’t need help or support in my life.

I won’t need their financial support. I apparently can manage. I apparently can do everything a normal adult can do. 

So. Thanks if you’ve read my previous posts. I’ve cleared my Twitter of autism and aspergers as obviously I’m not one. I’ll unfollow on WordPress the autism and aspergers blogs too.

The Tribunal was the last point of appeal for me. I can’t do any more myself. They won. I’m cured. I’m not a Disabled or Autistic person.

I now need to ask for the diagnosis to be removed and taken away.

I’m down and I will be for a long time. I’m sorry but I don’t believe I’ll be able to read replies to this post, even if well intentioned. 

I’ll now concentrate on trying to keep my job, trying to keep seeing my children. Trying to keep from further debt and financial mess. 

I’m not autistic any more, so I’ll have time and ability to try all that.

Again. My apologies if you’ve read my posts under autism, ASD or aspergers before, I’ll remove the post tags.



Sometimes, I know that my mood and anxiety are worse. Like it is just now and has been in recent weeks.

I’ve struggled since having to attend the PIP interview in February and the first PIP decision in March. I think the pressure of that has told on me. 

It’s been a background worry and just a constant thing on my mind.

The ‘lost’ PIP2 form last year, The waiting for the first decision, the waiting for reconsideration and the realisation my only hope was the Tribunal.

Feeling a bit more hopeless each time I was rejected and feeling frustrated and lost and not listened to.

The lead up to the Tribunal meant about 80-100 pages were posted to me. 

Initially, that was quite intimidating and a set back in terms of seeing so much paper. 

Basically, I had an early night after seeing it in envelope. It looked overwhelming.

Leafing through it later, I realised it contained my PIP1, PIP2 forms, paperwork on the lost PIP2 and that most of the other content was actually from me. 

There were copies of their decision letters and the only insight to their decision basis was the written account of the interview I had with the Healthcare Professional.

The decisions are short and to the point though, but hard to understand the perspective, anything I said wasn’t enough or commented on negatively.

Seeing the medical report properly made a real difference and became very clear that my impression of it and their impression of that interview were very, very different. 

I go on Wednesday to the tribunal. 

I started in May 2016, thinking maybe a little help. I had read comments saying don’t be put off applying. 

I particularly thought of the Survival pamphlet by the late Marc Segar – ‘try not to see it as cheating. If you have had a hard enough life then perhaps you deserve this.’

I had read into PIP, I was at a stage after diagnoses where I thought I understood condition and how it affected me (a year and a bit after diagnosis)
My mindset is now that if I lose, I lose. 

I’ll have to adjust to being ‘slightly’ disabled or not the same as the autistic people I’ve met in person. It may mean I don’t return to groups.

Everyone else in my social group doesn’t work, so it very weird.

I truthfully haven’t thought that I’ll ‘win’ or get PIP.

I’m at the stage of thinking, that it’s more about the principal of the thing. 

I’ve asked for help, described my life a bit and been truthful. Did all I can in terms of using my written skills. I guess I can only attend, see/hear what’s said and try to note as much as I can.

It’s been a journey. 

I’ve learned a great deal about trying to do things on my own and being unsupported, but it’s been stressful, horrible and has had me beat a few times. 

I’m maybe being downright stubborn, I’m maybe seeing the thing too literally, but some help maybe would have been nice.

I said to myself I couldn’t sit through it with a stranger. I didn’t want someone else there at the medical interview. I guess I thought that was too much in communicating and arranging.

If it’s a no from PIP, then I need to find out what actual support is available in my situation. 

I dread talking so maybe I do a script and type it out, maybe I begin thinking about how to go out and do things or be around people. 

That’s scaring me a lot and would be a huge jump from where I am and where I’ve been.

I know the adjustments I need, sound, light, rebound time. I still crash. Lose verbal skills, shut down and need to process how I am over things. 

But, for now I can just hope a little amongst the worry and stress and catastrophe thinking. 

(I’m out and finished and have no idea how it went. it was all a bit scary and got really thrown by my bag being searched before going to waiting room.)

Doctor Who Speculation post after s10 e11

Ok, let’s speculate, how do you deal with two Masters (or a Missy and Master), Bill as a Cybermen and a huge spaceship full of Cybermen?

Simm Master says to Gomez Master ‘I’m concerned about my future’. 

So Simm Master becomes Gomez Master at some point.

Okay, easy enough so far.

Therefore the Simm Master has to be killed, preferably by Missy.


To create a temporal paradox. Two Missies can’t be. If Simm Master regenerates into Gomez Master with Gomez Master already there.

Yes, it’s a giant Reset Button kids. 

Time Lords from different points in their own existence should fizzle a bit, so we’re at Father’s Day in Series 1 with the Ninth Doctor a bit. Day of the Doctor has the excuse that Doctors Ten and Eleven were made to interact with the War Doctor through the influence of the Moment device.

But.. didn’t the Master die already with the Tenth Doctor in ‘Last of the Timelords’? 

Kind of. Lucy Saxon brought him back  for ‘The End of Time’. But same guy but blonder and madder and more well, everything.

Whether the events of those two episodes are even relevant I don’t know, and is Simm-Beardy-Master before or after Simm-Blondie-Master in timing? The reference to Harold Saxon means he’s definetly after Simm-Saxon-Master, but we know nothing else.

If it’s a linear progression of Simm-Saxon-Master, Simm-Blondie-Master, Simm-Beardy-Master, Gomez-Missy-Master, then that’s simpler, but leaves the issues of two different incarnations of the same Time Lord at the same time and obviously their self interest not aligning vis-a-vis The Doctor. Simm-Master presumably hasn’t encountered the Twelfth Doctor before, but Gomez-Master owes him her life. 

Okay,  so there’s some dramatic tension between two different antagonists, but their whole relationship won’t be almost mutual automatic trust as between the Doctor’s different incarnations but, will have more nuance. 

Simm-Master will realise that his existence can be ended resulting in the paradox. He’s created a paradox machine before from The Doctor’s Tardis. We have usually assumed Missy not to have a Tardis. But then again, how did she get off Skaro after the encounter with Davros in ‘The Magicians Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar’

If Simm-Master isn’t the direct predecessor of Gomez-Master, then we’re off on the River Song sort of Timey-Wimey timeline.

 If Missy-Master does die in The Doctor falls, then who does Missy then regenerate into? Presumably our Thirteenth Doctor needs a Master too. Obviously better if Missy’s fate isn’t resolved just yet.

So, logic leads me to Gomez-Missy-Master killing Simm-Beardy-Master but along the way is the question of The Doctor and Bill and at what point and level a paradox works especially in what is effectively a gravity well with time running faster at the part of the ship nearest the black hole. 

Differential time, Differential effect is possibly the get out available to stop the finale merely being a Reset of events. Missy will well understand the effect of the Black Hole, possibly to know that killing the Master later might have less overall effect than earlier and lower in the ship.

Doctor Who s10 e11 – World Enough and Time.

Cold Open. 

The Tardis lands somewhere in snow.

The Doctor stumbles out onto his knees saying ‘No’ whilst regeneration energy pulses out from his arms.

Then the Titles and a spaceship.. 

A big one. A very big one and it’s headed into a black hole.

Next is the groan of the Tardis ‘Vworp Vworp’ sound on the spaceship’s Bridge and Missy then emerges as ‘Doctor Who’ making a speech to the room.

‘My disposables, comic relief and exposition.’ is quite a line about Nardole and Bill as she introduces herself to well, no-one on the bridge.

Meanwhile, The Doctor sits eating crisps whilst watching this test on his Tardis ‘iPad’.

Things become critical when a blue man from the crew enters the bridge and wants to kill Bill as she’s human. There are creatures coming up in the lift and they want humans. 

Here, the Doctor has to intervene.

Bill gets a big round hole in her body from the Blue Man’s blaster despite the Doctor’s protestations.

‘He’s having an emotion.’ says Nardole in flashback as The Doctor pleads with Bill to accompany Missy on a test run as she is still his ‘best friend’ and he wants his companions to accompany her.

Bill says ‘Promise me you won’t get me killed’, of course, he can’t promise.

Back to the spaceship and the lift arrives.

Hooded creatures emerge and say ‘Step away, she will be repaired.’

The Tardis crew and blue man let them.

‘Wait for me.’ Are the Doctor’s words as the Doors close on the lift.

Bill later awakens in a creepy hospital and starts to explore the rooms. All the while, she hears a metallic voice saying ‘Pain, Pain, Pain.’ 

She finds an old style hospital ward full of people that are white hooded and hooked up to drips. 

A scary Matron then enters.  She seems to calm the patient but has merely turned down the speaker on his head from ‘pain’ on the patient as Bill discovers after the Matron leaves.

Bill then has tea with a mysterious bearded man with an accent, who shows her the Doctor  and the others on a black and white TV screen. The man is effectively the caretaker. Mr Razor.

‘Time moves faster, top of ship very slow, very fast bottom.’ He tries to explain to her.

The TV is effectively a still picture.

‘Gravity slows time.’ Lecturer mode from the Doctor. 

Black hole and one end of the ship from the other.

Whilst mopping the ‘Conversion Therapy’ room as Razor’s helper, Bill looks out a window onto what appears to be a city. 

Bill has a vision of The Doctor saying ‘Wait for me.’

She later visits the city with Mr Razor, a dystopian polluted place. ‘You must be strong to leave the Hospital.’ 

Bill really isn’t after her surgery and has to go back there with him.

Venusian Aikido is used by The Doctor to escape the Blue Man – wahey!!!

The Doctor, Missy and Nardole then take the lift down. ‘It’s only been Ten Minutes’ comments Nardole.

Meanwhile, Bill persuades the Caretaker to take her to the lifts, but, he betrays her and takes her to the room where Cybermen are converted.

The Doctor gets Missy to search the Computer whilst the Doctor and Nardole explore.

‘Earth like planet, if Earth had a twin.’ Says Missy  looking at the computer whilst the Caretaker tries to talk to her.

Missy tries to warn him away from her.

Missy :- ‘This ship is from Mondas.’


The Doctor:- ‘A Mondasian Cyberman.’

The caretaker confronts Missy  after she says ‘Doctor!’ to attempt to warn him.

The caretaker pulls a gun similar to the one the blue man had and stops her.

He continues with ‘You would never be so self destructive.’

Yes, it’s the Master after he pulls off a rubber head.

‘Hello Missy, I’m the Master and I’m very worried about my future!’

The Doctor and Nardole find the operating room and a Mondasian cyberman.

They question it and it turns out to be Bill.

‘I waited for you’ and a tear through the metal eye.


My view

As clever an episode of NuWho as there is. 

Incredible turn by John Simm under the prosthetic mask as Razor.

A shame the London tabloids spoiled his comeback so long ago. If you hadn’t known, it would’ve be epic.

Pearl Mackie superb once again as I seem to keep saying.

Pace of direction and musical score seemed perfect 

Clearly 9/10 and a high point of a good season. The menace of the cybermen was there.

Cutting the Input (Aspergers)

This is a Flare Audio Isolate earplug.

It has worked brilliantly for me in reducing the noise. The metal is aluminium and its combined with a soft earplug.

So delighted with these I ordered a second pair and extra earplugs.

It doesn’t entirely cut off all sounds, but plenty enough. The ones the annoy me. The near constant ones.

My hands are big as are my ears, but these in my opinion are better than silicone ear plugs. Yes it’s strange, but I’m blue glasses guy anyway. 

I take one out if I need interact. Otherwise both in and it’s great. 

Doctor Who s10 e10 : The Eaters of Light.

The Imperial Roman Army. Legio IX Hispana. 

Subject of ‘The Eagle of the Ninth’, a famous historical novel by Rosemary Sutcliffe and interpreted and re-interpreted since. 

I previously read and enjoyed ‘The Last Legion’ by  Valerio Massimo Manfredi, however, it linked into the legend of Arthur and had other tales to tell. 

The movie ‘The Eagle’ in 2011 was based on Sutcliffe’s book.

Now, the truth or otherwise of the disappearance of the Ninth Legion in the North of Scotland isn’t exact historical fact and pieces of artifacts show the Legion in what is now the Netherlands in the mid second century, around a century later.

It wasn’t unknown for a legion to be raised again after being annihilated, but, the Roman Army was cautious about the bad luck associated with defeats. It may or may not have been a direct continuation of the IX legion that landed in Britain.

Caledonia, as it was called by the Romans, was subject to a fair bit of Roman activity. 

Ultimately, it was never truly conquered in the way it’s province of Britania was. However, their control of the rest of the island did influence all the tribes on the island and also influenced and controlled trade.

The history and archeology are unfortunately sparse in terms of what happened with the Romans in Iron Age Scotland. 

There’s a lot of maybes to the history and, of course, modern settlements and roads have followed  over the Roman’s initial paths.

One day, there may be an answer about the Ninth, but it’s plight leaves it open to storytelling.

And that’s what Rona Munro did and did well with ‘The Eaters of the Light.’

Bill and the Doctor want to know it’s fate. As ever, the Tardis delivers them with Nardole and the team investigate. Bill goes off one way and the Doctor another. 

They come across Romans and Picts and eventually bring them on side to fight a beast that comes from a portal in the broch or cairn built into the ground. 

The beast destroyed the Ninth and was released by the young pict sent to guard in case it came. Which leads to a few Romans hiding from it and a few Picts hiding too.

A tale about the invasion of a land and the desperation in defending your culture from change leads to a need to cooperate to survive.

‘Survival’ was Munro’s last Doctor Who tale, for another Scottish Doctor and the end of the original run of Who before the 2005 revival.

The guest cast was young and did well, we had a few good lines from Nardole and The Doctor back toward the edgy grumpy one of Series Eight.

So grumpy that he’d sacrifice himself to guard the portal to ensure the beast doesn’t return but Bill sensibly whacks him with a Mirror. This shows she’s beyond Professor and Student relationship and clearly now knows what’s best for him.

Why grumpy again? Possibly as he’s let Missy out of the Vault after rescuing Bill and him from Mars. He wants to believe that she has changed, but as ever, cannot be sure of his fellow Timelord and ‘friend’.

We are reminded in the last five minutes of the edges that The Doctor and Missy occupy together, their shared knowledge, their past friendship. 

His fascination with Earth and her sceptical attitude to his do-gooding. We are almost back at where they were with each other in Series Nine just before Skaro and Davros.

Obviously, the Vault and the Doctor’s Oath are factors. He saved her life, she said she’d change.

It’s 8/10 from me. Capaldi, Mackie and Lucas were fine as usual. Dialogue and character dynamic working well and again keeping up with the high points of series ten.

The episode’s effects worked and the beast resembled ancient stone art. Not a dragon, not a beast, tentacles and a wolf like movement. I even enjoyed the talking crow.

A pity it wasn’t filmed in Scotland, although the Welsh countryside was convincing enough though and it worked. 

We are now onto the build up to the series finale. I think we are building to what exactly Missy and the Doctor have. 

She was in tears and moved toward him, he moved backward but did clutch hands with her. It’s a complicated relationship and questions can be asked on their past and where exactly they stand.

We’ve seen John Simm and the question is now as to how a multi-master tale can be pulled off. 

There’s much to anticipate.

Subverting Democracy, a tale of elections, the media and a Tory leader that’s went too far. (Scottish Politics)

In one of my last ‘politics’ blogs, I had a few days of stupidly high numbers and this particular paragraph below, ended up being visible snipped away from the rest of my writing (which to be fair was dull and statistical in the main). I sort of shrugged at seeing it come back to me on my twitter timeline.

It’s tough when the Tories out-bastard you. They certainly did and the good people of the north east of Scotland may need reminded about Free Prescriptions, care for elderly, university tuition etc etc as clearly they’ve taken heed of a distaste for a second referendum but might not know why it’s needed.

I was stunned by that, but my ‘orphan paragraph’ had a real kernel of truth I guess.

On the back of the Election Results, Gerry Hassan produced a piece for that was incisive and spared no punches in terms of looking into the SNP performance at GE 17. I agreed with many of the points that he made and it developed much better points and conclusions than I did.

The SNP have only been in office for ten years. The Labour Party dominated Scottish politics for fifty years. It hasn’t taken long for the sheen to go off the SNP. How it responds will tell whether this becomes a major crisis and retreat, or one which it can manage and bounce back from.

Underlying all of the above is the missing ingredient in the SNP’s politics and independence offer. There is no coherent national project about Scotland’s future. The party has invited us to just trust them and believe everything will be alright the other side of independence. It was never good enough. This is transparent now.

An independence referendum looks extremely unlikely for the next few years. That gives the SNP and Scottish politics a breathing space to develop a different course. It should be one which is based on the principle of ‘Build it and they will come’. Mark out the territory, policies and detail of a self-governing and independent Scotland and start out in its direction of travel. But that requires a different SNP and leadership which has until now shown no interest in a politics of the long-term or of developing a truly ambitious strategy. is the piece and I think it’s a difficult read for anyone supporting or advocating independence for Scotland. There’s much to chew on and much to think about.

The article, though, produced a quite brilliant response in the comments section from Alan Bisset, himself a noted columnist and author.

5. There is a grievous democratic outrage being perpetrated before our eyes which no-one in the media (nor, for that matter, an exhausted SNP) is challenging. 

The mandate for indyref 2 is now cast-iron, having been voted for by the Scottish electorate in 2016, passed by a majority in Holyrood, and now triple-locked by the fact of the SNP winning a majority of Scottish seats.

 If we are being told that is not enough to secure indyref 2 then we are being told that the Scots have no democratic means of bringing about self-determination. 

On what possible basis is Ruth Davidson being allowed to get away with a statement like ‘indyref2 is dead’ when the Unionist parties COMBINED could not reach the SNP’s total of seats and a bill has *already been passed by the Scottish parliament*. Simply because the SNP secured 35/59 seats in a UK election instead of 56/59? Is no-one else alarmed by the grave repercussions here for Scottish democracy?

Now, our ever-reliable Scottish Mainstream Media (by that I mean Anti-SNP) produced a few bits and pieces like this after the General Election results:-

The Scotsman:- ‘She told the BBC: “But there was one big issue in this campaign and it was Nicola Sturgeon trying to run through a second independence referendum in March and the country’s reaction to that,” she said. “I think we have seen the country’s reaction in the number of SNP seat’s falling. Indyref 2 is dead.” Ms Davidson added: “Now it’s time to get back to what matters to the people of Scotland – that’s sorting out our schools, growing our economy and looking at our public services.” 

Here’s how that piece looks

Now, some might say that The Scotsman isn’t as rabid as either the Scottish Daily Mail or the Scottish Daily Express are, but I’m still not much of a fan of it apart from it’s transport correspondent’s work.

Getting back to the point, Ruth Davidson had herself a decent election and with an increase in Tories from 1 to 13 has even been described as ‘winning the election‘ by the BBC Scotland politics correspondent. (It’s a staggeringly inaccurate and obtuse statement in my opinion though)

But with interviews, media attention in both UK and Scottish media, it then looks like this.

The story of a Tory revival is, of course, noteworthy and due attention. 

But.. Indyref2 is dead ?? 

Okay it was 45-55 in Indyref in 2014. 

2015 saw 56/59 seats go SNP at Westminster.

2016 saw the SNP take 59 constituencies at Holyrood

The Brexit Referendum was 62% Remain in EU

2017 General Election 35 seats out of 59.

I’ve been over the factors for that in ‘An Ice Cold Take’, the purpose of reminder is that it’s relevant to Nicola Sturgeon’s Triple Lock on holding a second referendum. 

We have the Holyrood 16 result , 62% Remain in the Brexit vote in Scotland and 35/59 seats at Westminster, as well as a conclusive vote for a second referendum in the Scottish Parliament.

Now, Ruth Davidson may not like it, the mainstream media may not like it, but that’s enough democratic input to have a Referendum on Scottish Independence once Brexit is a known quantity. (Irrespective of Theresa May’s survival)

What Davidson is trying to do is play down Holyrood. 

If [the Tory Party] sometimes seems English to some Scots that is because the Union is inevitably dominated by England by reason of its greater population. The Scots, being an historic nation with a proud past, will inevitably resent some expressions of this fact from time to time. As a nation, they have an undoubted right to national self-determination; thus far they have exercised that right by joining and remaining in the Union. Should they determine on independence no English party or politician would stand in their way, however much we might regret their departure. What the Scots (not indeed the English) cannot do, however, is to insist upon their own terms for remaining in the Union, regardless of the views of the others. Baroness Thatcher – The Downing Street Years. Via Arc of Prosperity 

Immediately above is what I call the Thatcher Doctorine, I wonder if subverting the role of Holyrood and the elected first minister is something that even she would balk at.

Elected MSP’s had a vote and the result is a mandate for a second referendum. No ifs or buts. That is our democratic system through our devolved parliament.

It’s not about winning headlines, it’s not about photo shoots at Stirling Castle with ‘your’ MPs, it’s not about visiting Downing Street for Cabinet, it’s not about being a privy counsellor, it’s not about preaching on rights to Theresa May and the DUP as they create an unholy coalition.

Davidson has even been touted as controlling those thirteen MPs, those saying that have clearly forgotten the legendary ability of the Tories Whips office at Westminster.

So there we are. Democracy subverted. By a Tory of all things.

(It makes sense when you know ‘Ruth Davidson Tank‘ is a Google top hit when you search her name)