A year after PIP refusal.

Getting past April as autism awareness month is always good, but my mind has turned to it being a year since I was refused PIP.

I did the applications, asked for the Statutory Reconsideration and took it as far as the appeal panel.

I’m aware of Scotland’s new social security system coming in and I just couldn’t bring myself to re-apply. Even if all they say is true.

I tried and had a Doctor and Nurse lie to ensure I didn’t get anything. It stripped me of dignity and confidence and I couldn’t go through it all again.

My attempts to get help petered out after the Health and Social Care partnership referred me back to GP.

It’s a new GP after my old one excluded me and at an appointment I was told they prefer to phone than do appointments, so I’ve given up on that, barring getting my regular prescription.

I’m no better than I was. Not much I can do other than hope I don’t have a meltdown.

I think I’m self medicating between nicotine tablets and CBD oil. I’m not drinking alcohol at least.

I’m not sure on there being enjoyable days, maybe when with the kids, certainly not when alone or in the day to day of the work week.

For work, I’ve had to remove all my accommodations.

An email reminder on clear desk policy has sent me backwards on use of cutting pads to stop reflections and after a meltdown, I was told my earphones are antisocial to my colleagues, so I’ve stopped using them.

(Pointless saying I was triggered by the email system not working and a demand made for me to access email by someone not having issues with the email.)

Same guy that made comment on the headphones, later sent an email saying my employer is ‘disability confident’ – er..

I’m hating the trains and travel to and from work, as it usually means standing.

I had a dialogue with Scotrail’s inclusion team and it seems I can use the priority seats, but it’s not an issue as they’re usually occupied.

Everything’s pretty much still a mess and difficult.

Financially, I’m trying but it’s difficult every month.

I haven’t yet had that holiday I was deluding myself about.

I’m still alone and haven’t seen anyone new. I don’t think I can in the state that I’m in and I really am still hurt from past events. I don’t think I’m a prospect anyone would want.

It’s a boring and lonely existence watching TV and reading twitter but it’s about all I have.

So.. onward, ever onward.

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