What to say?

Sometimes I lose the desire to write or blog or whatever I do here.

It goes. I have things in my head and sometimes they don’t come out.

I might be thinking autism or politics or football or transport, but it doesn’t happen.

I try and stop myself having grand and unfeasible ideas. Ground myself.

I’m doing day to day and getting by. Seeing the kids, keeping up. Mood comes and goes. I watch TV, I try and listen to music.

I can’t push myself over getting ‘help’ or treatment, it’s not really going to happen unless I have a breakdown. I’m trying my best not to. See paragraph above this one and repeat.

So. What to say?

Do I want to break the cycle and think that all I’m doing is existing?

Do I want to think there’s more to life?

I’ve wondered about dating and also wondered about not.

The idea of accepting that’s it and I’m done is something that’s been kicking around my head.

I know I’m not brilliant and know I’m not maybe where I want to be, so understanding that what I may want to do and what I may be able to cope with.

I dunno. It’s effort and trying and believing myself well enough to project outwards and thinking and thinking.

A step forward is at least is knowing or thinking that it’s something to think about, but a step at a time. As ever.

But? What do I have to do?

Nothing is maybe the answer. Maybe I do nothing. Maybe I just think about it all a bit more. Leave it be.

Hope, Cross fingers, continue muddling along.

Onward. Ever onward.


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