I ruled out those 39-45 and 55-58 from my own sort of preferences and then ruled out people from Edinburgh or further north like Dundee, Aberdeen and Inverness. A further issue was the profiles that looked from Northern Ireland.
I don’t see much hope for me with someone more than an hour by car away and I fully recognise the limits that places, but it would mean a predominately online relationship and distance wouldn’t work for me. I need someone in my life.
I have to think over what I need, I have to recognise that it’s soon to be four years of being a widower.
It’s not going to happen, it hasn’t already and I’m feeling lonely and alone and defeated.
I can’t help myself out of the situation, I can’t effect change and I think that’ll be me. I don’t think I have much to offer anyone.
It’s time to stop with dating.
It’s time to accept.
Time to deal with being alone and being single and not having anyone here.
I have to stop struggling with myself and place an internal block on myself and process how I feel.
Writing this is going to be an end to my writings on dating and attempts on the apps. I need to free myself of the worry about finding someone and take away the pressure of that.
It hurts to be undateable. It’s difficult to accept that, but I really must deal with that.
Some of the interest was flattering but I can understand women looking and then saying no, so I know the views or looks received wouldn’t all be a positive thing.
But, there’s no other path. Simply that I stop looking and I doubt happenstance will put someone in my path either.
I need to look again at myself, staying healthy as a carer is my priority and I need to keep sane, busy and healthy.
All I can do and all I can be, even if the paths ahead are for me on my own.
Chic Gibson - A blog of sorts 